Tightrope on a Razor's Edge
by somewhereinthedreams
Summary: "You're holding me hostage because Johnny has feelings for me and not you?" Lucia couldn't resist goading her brother just a little, even though he was the one with a gun, not her. Set Post-Season 2


**A/N: I was alternating lightness with angst, but then I ran out of lighter fics. I've written one fic featuring Lucia, but I think this is my first fic with Carlito. Definitely my first fic with the both of them. I kinda love twisted sibling relationships and hopefully I captured theirs.**

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"You killed Papa!" Lucia accused, horrified as Carlito revealed to her the full extent of the events that had taken place earlier that week. She didn't care that her brother didn't pulled the trigger, he had their father executed along with countless other people, including men that swore loyalty to their father and protected them with their lives. They grew up playing with _their_ children and was certain Carlito considered a few of them friends. She didn't even want to think what had become of the servants at her father's house. Lucia ignored the bile rising in her throat as images started flashing through her mind of what had become of everyone that worked for her father. The only thing she could take solace in was that her mother wasn't around to see the monster that Carlito had become. "You're holding me hostage because Johnny has feelings for me and not you?"

Lucia couldn't resist goading her brother just a little, even though he was the one with a gun, not her. Self-loathing didn't even begin to describe how Carlito felt about being gay. But he had fallen fast for Johnny, just like she had. Only there was one difference. Johnny loved her back.

"¡Cállate!" Carlito yelled as he paced through Lucia's bedroom. "Shut up!"

"Johnny loves me."

Frustrated, Carlito marched across the room and pressed the gun to her forehead. "I said, shut up," Carlito growled. "What's that? Nothing to say?" He yanked on her hair, jamming the gun into her jaw. "Johnny's not here to protect you. Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you now. You can stop pretending to grieve for Papa because you hated him as much as I did!"

Lucia refused to flinch as Carlito screamed in her face, trying to elicit some sort of reaction out of her. But she wasn't afraid. She should be, but she wasn't afraid of her brother. As crazy as Carlito was, he loved her and she loved him. Despite everything he had ever done to her, she loved him. Even if she hated him right now, she never truly hated him. He was the only person who understood what it was like to grow up with Carlos Solano as a father.

She remembered the sweet, trusting boy her brother used to be until their father crushed his spirit and turned him into a volatile psychopath. The only thing worse than being Carlos Solano's daughter was being his closeted gay son.

Her relationship with her father had been complicated. She didn't approve of his business. Resented him for using money to control her. Never forgave him for the way he abused her and Carlito. But after her mother died, he and Carlito were all she had left. The only family she had. Flawed as they were, they were hers and she loved them.

"If you're going to kill me, just do it now and get it over with," Lucia whispered. Carlito squeezed his eyes shut, but his finger didn't inch closer to the trigger, just like she knew it wouldn't. "You can't do it Carlito, because you love me."

"Shut up, you bitch!"

She wanted to call him a coward for not being able to look at her, but calling him a coward would only serve to piss him off and she wasn't sure she wanted to piss him off when his gun was aimed at her. Besides, Carlito wasn't a coward. Misguided. Immature. Reckless. Yes, to all of the above. But not a coward. Carlito was a bully, but he wasn't weak.

"Te amo," Lucia said, desperately searching for traces of the man that was once her protector. There used to be a time when her brother would defend her against anyone, including their father. But those days were long gone. Something shifted in their relationship when she abandoned their suicide pact. They had only been kids, but he started to grow more distant.

"If you loved me, you would give up Johnny! He doesn't love you! He doesn't understand you like he does me!"

And this was it. She never would've thought it would be another man that came between her and her brother. She had always thought that it would be her father that would tear them apart, because as much as her father was a family man, he never hesitated to use one of their accomplishments to undermine the other.

She and Carlito had been through a lot over the years. Carlito was her brother. Her best friend. Protector. He was the one constant in her crazy life, but she couldn't condone the life he chose for himself. She wanted as far away from the Solano name as possible, but Carlito was the opposite. He craved the danger. The power. The control. Everything she hated in her father, Carlito sought out.

When she met Johnny, she thought he was using Carlito to get in her father's good graces. But then Johnny saved her life. And that would've been enough to buy Johnny some goodwill with her father, but when she gave him the opportunity to wash his hands of her, he wouldn't. He took her to his mother's house. People were gunning for her, literally, and he took her to the safest place he could think of, his mother's house. To her, that spoke volumes about his character.

She should've written Johnny off when she found out he was an FBI Agent, but she loved him. Despite what Carlito thought, she wasn't stupid. She knew that almost dying together intensified her feelings for Johnny. Going on the run together felt more like an adventure with her lover than running from her family's enemies.

Lucia lived a sheltered life and didn't have a lot of experience with men. Most guys she met were either terrified of her family or using her as a way to get closer to her brother or father. But Johnny was different; that wasn't how he treated her. All those late night talks in Tecate hadn't been one-sided. He cared for her as much as she cared for him. Even though she didn't want her brother or father in jail, she forgave Johnny for that deception. Or maybe she was looking for a way out. She wasn't sure. Not that she had a chance to figure that out because everything spiraled out of control so quickly. Carlito was using her as an insurance policy so Johnny would keep the FBI out of his business.

Yet despite all that, Carlito still had feelings for Johnny.

"Would you give him up for me?" Lucia tearfully asked. Maybe she should let him shoot her. Fulfill the suicide pact they made so long ago. End all of this. Set Johnny free.

Carlito stepped back from her and waved the gun in her face. "You are trying to confuse me." He lovingly traced the gun along the side of her face and she held back her tears. "Lucia, Lucia, always so trusting."

Lucia knelt on the floor and closed her eyes as she started praying. "Padre nuestro, que estás en el cielo, santificado sea tu Nombre..."

Carlito knelt in front of her and gripped her face, "God doesn't hear your prayers. All those years he never heard our prayers."

"If you're going to shoot me Carlos, then do it! Just know that if you hurt me, Johnny will _never_ forgive you." She was playing a dangerous game with her brother, but either Carlito was going to kill her or he wasn't. She really had nothing to lose. She was sick of walking around eggshells around him, afraid to set him off. At least if he killed her now, he wouldn't have anything to hold over Johnny. At least she'd die on her own terms.

"¡Puta!" Carlito shouted, picking up a book and throwing it across the room.

"I want you to look at me," Lucia quietly said. "Look me in the eye and pull the trigger."

"No," Carlito said.

"¡Carlos, mírame!"

Lucia's eyes widened and she gasped as her brother's hands tightly wrapped around her throat, squeezing the life out of her. But his eyes were closed. Maybe she was wrong when she said her brother wasn't a coward. A real man would at least be able to look her in the eyes as he killed her, but he couldn't, so she needed him to open his eyes. Raising her hand to his face, she lovingly cupped his face in her hand despite wanting to claw his eyes out and grab the gun from across the room and shoot him. But in order for any of that to happen, she needed him to let go of her.

His eyes opened and she silently pleaded with him to let her go. He didn't loosen his hold, didn't say a sound, but his eyes were on hers. She desperately searched for signs of the sweet boy she once knew. He had to be in there. She closed her eyes and let her head hang forward, letting her body slacken, trying to elicit some sort of reaction out of Carlito. A few seconds went by and the more time that passed, the less likely it was becoming that she would be pretending. She was starting to get light headed and she fought to stay conscious.

"Lucia!" Carlito yelled, finally releasing her throat.

Lucia's eyes shot open and she was gasping for air, still choking despite being free from her brother's grip. She struggled to catch her breath as she warily watched her brother. She searched his eyes, relaxing when she saw the concern in them. He quickly offered her a bottle of water and she took a few sips, but ended up spitting out most of it because she was still trying to catch her breath.

"Don't leave me, hermanita," Carlito quietly said, his vulnerability shining through his macho facade.

Lucia opened her arms and he hugged her tightly, and she comforted him like she used to when they were kids. "I'm right here, Carlito," Lucia whispered. "Siempre." She kissed his forehead, eyeing his gun just barely out of her reach. She scooted closer to him and rubbed his back. No doubt there were bruises forming on her neck, but she was comforting the man who put them there.

Not to trick him. Not to lull him into a false sense of security to have him let his guard down. Because she loved her brother. It was a twisted, dysfunctional kind of love. But she loved him. Despite wanting to be free of him, she would never hurt him.

She would also never be free.

THE END


End file.
